Mediation: Separation and Divorce

Mediation is voluntary. Either you or the mediator may choose to stop mediation at any time. Mediations are usually closed; this means they are private, whatever is said during the mediation cannot be used in the future in a court process. This is critically important because both people need to feel free to openly share their concerns and ideas.

A mediator’s role is to remain neutral, help you talk to each other, hear each other, focus on your issues and reach a resolution. They don’t have a vested interest in any particular outcome of an issue, as long as what you agree to adheres to family law statutes, regulations and guidelines. Every separating couple or family is at once similar in what they need to discuss, but very unique with respect to their situations or contexts. Through mediation you have the opportunity to make your agreement reflect the specific needs of your situation in a way that a court based or oppositionally-based negotiated agreement cannot. Because of this, it is often far less costly financially and less destructive emotionally.

Child Focused Mediation

Changes to the Divorce Act which came into effect March 1st, 2021, use child centered language and prioritizes the best interests of the child in all decision making. Parenting Plans are now about decision-making, parenting time, and contact orders, replacing words like custody and access. Mediation helps co-parents imagine their choices and potential decisions through their children’s eyes. You’ll learn through mediation how to communicate more effectively going forward—this will help you deal constructively with the inevitable changes and surprises that happen with raising children.

Child Inclusive Mediation

At any point in your mediation you can request to include the voice of your child because you may want a better understanding of their experiences or thoughts about your potential decisions. Kids can find it hard to say what they “really” think or express what they “really” want directly to parents, they’re usually afraid to hurt one or both parents’ feelings, or are unsure about how their parents will react in an already tricky situation. This is not an assessment, nor does the Voice of the Child (VOC), Child Inclusive Mediator interpret or make recommendations—the mediator remains neutral, reflecting back to the parents their children’s thoughts in their own words. These interviews only go ahead if both parents and the child/children agree, and the mediator determines it’s safe and appropriate. And, even if your child agrees to do the interviews, they may choose to share all, some or none of what they say in the interview with their parents. What’s most important, is that, like everything else in closed mediation, this information remains completely private, cannot be used in court proceedings, and is only for the purposes of co-parents having all the information possible to make the best decisions for their children.

Research has shown both co-parents from the CI approach reported significantly greater satisfaction with their children’s living and visiting arrangements 1 year after intervention.

For more information on Child Inclusive Mediation visit our Resources page.